The Pick-Up Diary

What is subtext?

For acting, subtext is the underlying meaning behind spoken words as interpreted by an actor. What does that mean? Basically you’re adding additional meaning to your spoken words by the way you say them. Let’s say you have the following (cheesy) script for a scene to act in:

John and Mary are alone in the bedroom. Mary is upset and John is comforting her.

“John: Mary, everything is going to be ok, I just want you to know that I love you.”

Now you’re  going to play John in this scene there is a lot of information you’re going to need in order to apply the proper subtext to your dialogue. Things like:

What is the relationship between John and Mary?
If they are siblings then the line would be spoken much differently than if they were lovers.

– What happened just before?
– What if this scene took place right after they had sex?
– How would you reflect that in the above line of dialogue?

This is all information that can be implied with the proper subtext.

So, what does this have to do with game? Everything!

Because – and you probably have heard this a lot – it doesn’t matter WHAT you say, it’s HOW you say it. Women are MASTERS at subtext, they know that there is loads of information hidden in the way something is said. That’s why women can get so bitchy over seemingly trivial things that guys say; they know what were thinking!

So how do you use subtext effectively? Let’s have an example:

Let’s say you’re in a venue gaming and you see a great set. Now in any given set at the venue, realistically, the subtext of the dialogue you exchange with them is going to be “I’m trying to win you over and make you like me.” A lot of guys subconsciously use this subtext when they open and are often blown out. Why? Because the women read into your subtext and knew exactly what you were doing, this is why you will hear “Is that a line?” often, even if she hadn’t heard it before.

A better way to approach is to use the subtext of your opener. This is how most successful PUAs operate. For instance, Cajun’s opener involves him asking girls if he looks like a drug dealer, so the subtext is simply that it’s bothering his that he look like a drug dealer and he needs their opinion. When he says the opener he puts himself in the mind frame that it JUST happened to him so that his subtext is believable.

Cajun holds the view that the best way to approach is to look at the venue as a stage and look at each set as a scene you can enter into. Instead of using the above mind frames when opening try to use the subtext of a completely made up scenario that makes you exude attractiveness. Enter into the set under the subtext of “I just slept with all of these girls” and I will communicate that to them by the way I speak, not by the words I’m saying. All of your dialogue will remain the same as it normally was.

So what happens? They catch on very quickly and you will create attraction almost instantaneously. Women LOVE guys that they can’t quite figure out, so if you go in acting like you just slept with them then you are basically a social enigma, which is like crack to them.

And this is why you can talk to them about robots for 3 mins and then all of a sudden make out! Subtext is the reason. You don’t always have to use the subtext of “I just slept with these girls”. You can use whatever you want, but this one works very well.

Subtext is one of those things that’s pretty hard to grasp through reading. That’s why Cajun and other Love Systems instructors created the DVD set “Beyond Words” so you can visually see it. In the DVD you can see Cajun teach in more depth other non-verbal techniques to attract women using your body language.

P.S. If you have any doubts about Cajun, check out Cajun picking up some hot girls. It’s a classic by now.

The guys from Love Systems finally did it: The Body Language and Physical Escalation DVD is finished. Here is an interview with Cajun, a great PUA and one of the guys behind the DVD:

What is the Beyond Words DVD Home Study Course about?

Cajun: A lot of guys ask me on the forums and in emails how they can improve their body language so they can better approach and attract women. It’s hard to show it to them because it is something you have to see. A lot of body language is very subtle and that is hard to convey in text. You can read about body language in books but it’s not the same as when you can visually see it.

A couple months ago I flew to London to work with Vercetti, who is a trained Shakespearean actor and fellow Love Systems coach, to make this DVD home study course. We wanted to share our newest and proven methods to attract women using non-verbal communication.

Instead of writing a book, we decided to make a DVD because you can visually learn how to improve your body language. With help of Mr M, Keychain and 5.0 we also made an extra segment on physical escalation. Again, touching and physical escalation (“kino”) can be better taught by using a visual medium.

Why is body language so important?

Cajun: A lot of guys think what you say is the most important thing when it comes to attracting women. That couldn’t be further from the truth. It doesn’t matter what you say, it is how you say it. With the “how” I mean your tone of voice, facial expressions, body language, and what we call “subcommunications” and “subtext”.

In the DVD set we cover all these aspects and explain in depth why your non-verbal communication is much more important than your verbal. Scientific studies have shown that most communication between people is non-verbal. In this clip I tell why non-verbal communication is important (a sneak preview of the DVD).

Can you give one tip that someone can use right now to improve their body language?

Cajun: The simplest thing you can do today is to work on your posture. In the DVD we cover the Alexander technique on how that can improve your posture dramatically. Trained actors use this all the time.

Girls will reject you before you even approach if you have bad posture, because it subcommunicates a lot of bad things about you. This goes especially for guys who have sit behind a computer a lot.

A simple exercise you can do is to do row exercises at the gym and squats. Also, whenever you sit behind your desk, be conscious of your posture. Don’t slouch, sit tall and keep your back erect. If you buy a swiss ball and use that as your chair behind your desk, you will be forced to sit up straight and it will fix your posture that way too.

Anything else you want to share?

Cajun: I’m really excited about the Beyond Words DVD set. Finally I’ve been able to reveal all my body language and subtext secrets that I normally only teach on my workshops and 1on1 sessions. This DVD is one of a kind and you can finally learn how to properly physically escalate (“kino”) and how to use your body language so it becomes easier to meet and attract women.

For more information on Cajun and his Beyond Words DVD Home Study Course, click here.

Don’t forget to check out the other preview clips:

Vercetti on First Impressions
Vercetti on Beer Shield
5.0 on Breaking Contact

Most men are interested in dating science because they want to get better at interacting with beautiful women. Whether your goal is to land a playboy model or to start dating that cute girl at Starbucks, you need to learn how to sexually progress.

Otherwise, you are likely to get the all too familiar “let’s just be friends”. Unfortunately, most men are afraid to act out on their sexual desires, and the result is that they never push any boundaries with women. This causes their game to plateau below their potential, leaving the best opportunities to those willing to push the limits.

If you are too afraid to leave your comfort zone while learning to meet women of quality, you will find that the quality of women you approach is always low. You must push the limits of sexual escalation before you can find the right balance. Without ever pushing too far or too fast, you will never know if you are pushing fast or far enough. When you don’t get the result you wanted with a woman, make note of it, and then you adjust your approach for next time.

A prerequisite for being able to progress with women is understanding that they enjoy sex just as much as men – they just take a different route towards sex. Here are some practical tips:

1) You Don’t Need “Big Moves”

When meeting women you should always be commanding a sexual presence. Your two best tools for this are speech and body language. To start off, try holding your initial handshake for a second longer than normal while keeping eye contact. After that, try calibrating her to see if she is receptive to your sexual overtones. When talking, keep a slow pace, measured pace, and make sure to use pauses to add effect. Have fun with this – you can even try ordering a coffee using sexual subtext.

By immediately creating a sexual presence and calibrating the situation you can quickly screen for a women’s sexual openness. That way, if she doesn’t respond you can quickly move on to something else.

2) Leave Them Better Than You Found Them

Don’t make a girl do something she doesn’t want to do – she should feel great doing even the most “dirty” things. Make her feel like she is sharing in a fun, exciting sexual adventure with you.

This also applies to setting the right frame for later on when you progress further. If there is something you want to happen down the road, make her feel good about it. Tell her “you would look so hot doing …” or “the most fun I ever had with a woman was doing…” Those sorts of statements will create positive associations with whatever sex act you are talking about.

Most women derive pleasure from pleasing someone they like. Let her know you are enjoying whatever she is doing to/for/with you. Tell her “I love the way you do that” or “you look really sexy doing that”. It is important to be supportive of a woman as you progress with her. Men that express their sexual desires without any regard for the woman are considered to be sleazy, and you don’t want to fall into that group. This sort of disregard for women is also a good way of guaranteeing there will be no repeat performances.

3) Creating the Right State of Mind

To successfully progress with a woman, you must demonstrate to her that you want her, but that you do not need her. This is another example of the importance of finding the right balance. If you pretend you are not interested whatsoever, she will move on to someone else, or just peg you as a friend. However, if you act needy towards her, she will be turned off. Beautiful women like a little bit of a challenge. That is where wanting comes in – make it clear that while you are interested in her sexually, you live in a state of abundance, and will meet your needs somewhere else if she doesn’t respond to you. Basically, you must always be willing to walk away.

Finally, I know I’ve written about this before, but it is essential to remember that this is all a part of one great learning process. There is no such thing as rejection – only feedback. As you start to push the limits of sexual escalation, keep track of how women are reacting. Be confident, have fun with it, and keep escalating faster and further until you have to bring things down a notch – that is when you know you are starting to approach the right balance in your game.

To find out more information on turning an interaction more sexual, check out this audio download by Love Systems. The first 10 minutes are FREE.

If meeting women in the daytime is something you’re interested in then this primer is for you. It contains the basic information on day game – what you need to know to get out there and start meeting people outside of a nightclub environment…

Opening:

Give a direct opener a try: ‘Excuse me, I saw you from over there. And I’d regret it all day if I didn’t come met you. Because you look absolutely gorgeous (extend hand to shake): Hi, I’m …, what’s your name?’
Direct openers like this usually open quite strongly and provide a good platform for you to launch the conversation from. At the very least, it’s nice to say nice things to people – it’ll make you feel good and give her positive emotions too.

There’s nothing wrong with starting a conversation in another style such as indirect, functional, comedic etc. There are lots of examples of these types of openers online and you’ll want to come up with your own as the situation dictates. Here are a few to get you started:

– ‘Hey do you know where the nearest Starbucks is?’
– She’s wearing head/earphones: ‘What are you listening to? I’m bored of my current playlist’ – take her iPod and start teasing/appreciating her playlist.
– She’s in a shop or coffee house, deliver with comedy: ‘I saw you from out there and had to come meet you. I just couldn’t let a pane of glass stand between us and true love.’

A Common Trap With Direct Openers:

Don’t try to solicit a reaction. So many guys get addicted to the big, gushing reactions that you will occasionally get from your direct approaches and ‘look’ for it every time. Instead of being an expression of their personality and core intent, the direct opener becomes a tool to chase a reaction. They deliver it and wait for the big WOW! It’s approval-seeking and not attractive.

Try this frame: Her beauty/vibe/aura moved you to approach. Something in your core just said ‘yes’. So you’re going to go meet her, express your core and see if she’s the kind of girl you might connect with and would like in your life. Self-expression, without the need for approval, mixed with a curious fascination for her as a unique creature.

Transition to Conversation:

After opening, stack and cycle through the following transition material until you find a topic that you’re both interested in and can naturally talk about together. Perhaps you both enjoy traveling or you both like the movies of a certain director.

To that end, here are three content-questions that you can ask to mine for a click topic:

1)What are doing in London/Oslo/Melrose today? (this also allows you to find out how much time you might have to talk. If she’s rushing to meet friends, better go for the number. If she’s just ‘shopping’, you might try for an instant-date later in the conversation)

2)What do you do for a living?

3)What do you do for fun?

These can either be delivered statement/question or question/statement. In other words, you might start by talking about what you’re doing in central London and then ask her what she’s up to (statement/question). Or you might ask her first and then answer your own question when she’s done (question/statement). Either way, be prepared to supply the initial content and energy of the interaction.

It’s not unusual for a person to be a little on-guard when approached by a stranger in the street or a coffee shop and give quite short answers. Allow her initial shyness, she’ll warm up as your statements build comfort and convey your attractive personality.

Another conversation technique is to talk about a character trait you enjoy, explain why you enjoy it and then ask her if she has it. This ‘soft qualification’ is a great way to add value to a conversation and qualify in a high-value way. The more astute among you may recognize some sexual framing in this material also.

For example:

‘I really like people who travel, I love to travel myself. There’s something about people who travel. There’s an open-mindedness to new experiences and a non-judgmental quality that I really like. Do you like to travel?’
‘I like to surround myself with creative people. They have an energy and a fresh way of looking at life that really energizes me. What do you do for fun?’

If you can’t find a click topic, consider that perhaps the two of you have nothing to click on and are better off moving on to meet other people. With practice, however, you’ll find you can find a way to connect with almost anyone you meet. Remember to listen with curiosity and interest.

Thoughts on Conversation:

All the principles of social interaction you’ll find in Magic Bullets and the other materials are relevant here. On top of these, focuse on glimpsing the girl underneath her social facade and being open enough for her to get a glimpse of you under yours.

It’s easy to view interactions with girls as a ‘game’ in which you say certain things, touch your ‘target’ in a certain way to either win or lose the game. This kind of thinking serves to dehumanize the girl who is, after all, a unique person just like you. What if the simple meeting of both of your personalities, opinions and experiences could provide enough content for an attractive, successful conversation?

Don’t forget to be fun and humorous. Tease a little to inject some spice, have fun with the conversation. There’s no need to be intense and serious all the time – in fact, this can be quite creepy! Try a fun role play or future projection, experiment with the attraction materials in Magic Bullets to spice things up. Beware of making these the focus of your content though, remember that you and her are enough to have a great conversation.

Find your own style of interaction. When you meet a man who is successful with girls, by all means copy his style but only to gain an understanding of the underlying principles that make him so successful. Don’t be a clone, you’ll get much better results as a great version of you.
Taking Things Further:

Where can you take the conversation after you’re clicking and enjoying one another? Depending on the logistics of the situation, you might try these options:

– suggest a future meeting and exchange contact details.
– suggest going to get a coffee right then and there.

Conclusion:

The skill of meeting people and having great conversations is a vast one with room for a lifetime of learning and experimentation. It’s a lot of fun and comes with lots of benefits, not least all of the beautiful women you’ll meet!

With this basic information you’ve got all you need to start meeting girls in the daytime. The most important thing you could do with what you’ve read is start applying it in real conversations.

To find out more information on day game, check out this audio download by day game experts Jeremy Soul and Bonsai from Love Systems. The first 10 minutes are free.

A lot of guys are able to start a conversation with a girl – even on the street – but then there is always an awkward moment when you want to ask for her number, but don’t have enough self-confidence to do it or to do it in a “relaxed” way. And she instantly feels it – and starts to feel queasy…

Asking for her number can be difficult – especially talking about a girl you’ve just met on the street! But actually, there is a way to stay connected without asking for her number. Let’s call it the Facebook Method:

1) Go to a girl and ask her opinion on something (for example say that you want to buy a friend a good perfume, but don’t know which one…(Remember: you have to smile when you approach!)

2) Show or tell her that you are impressed with her answer – without overdoing it. If she says “I don’t know” just ask what kind of perfume she uses.

3) Finally, say “thanks” and pretend to roll off…Turn your upper body, but

4) Then, simply turn back and say with a confident voice: “Hey! Are you on facebook? You seem to be an expert on fashion/… Maybe I will contact you for further advice.” Smile.

The reason why you are not asking for her number is that a girl is much more likely to give a guy she has just met her online contact info than her mobile number. There’s no real commitment for her in giving you her online contact information. It’s not such a big deal as giving her number to a stranger who probably only wants to get in her pants. Facebook is a social interaction platform and girls love to check out new guys online. And if she doesn’t like you, she still can ignore you.

This way you can ask a lot of girls and actually get in touch with them without displaying an obvious interest in them. If she says she’s not on facebook, keep cool and ask her about her email address. No matter what she says stay friendly and relaxed as if you’re doing this all the time. Keep in mind: girls often act bitchy to test your reaction (the so called “shit test”).

Keep in mind: Smile and try to talk with a friendly but confident voice. Practice in front of a mirror if you want. Actually, about 80 % of the communication is nonverbal. So, it’s more about how you approach (body language, voice, timing) than what you say.

Even better than a mirror is a video tape of you. Tape yourself on video to see how other people perceive you. It really gives you a reality check. Practice as long as you finally like “this” guy on the tape and your results with girls will skyrocket as you will become much more self-confident. And self-confidence is what girls are really looking for in a guy as it demonstrates a high status.

If you don’t know what to say – how to approach girls on the street – I can definitely recommend Paul Janka’s 6 CD Audio Program – it’s definitely worth it.

After some months of absence – being busy working on different projects overseas – I’m finally back.

In the last months, there has been a lot of tattle about a guy called Paul Janka and his new seduction eBook “Attraction Formula“. I have to admit after watching some videos of this guy and reading some comments in the seduction forums, I bought his book. I was curious. Obviously this guy is good with girls, but he’s quite good looking and shouldn’t have any problems finding women. So what does work for him, doesn’t have to work for everyone…The question was: is there also some interesting stuff, some fresh ideas in his book?

The interesting thing about this “seduction guide” is that’s not about picking up women in clubs and bars, but the street. So it’s a so called “day game” guide. That’s were Janka picked up most of the alleged 173 women he has slept with. Although there is an order in the book, it’s more a collection of thoughts on different aspects.

Some insights are outstanding  – like the Rule of Omission, the Movie Trailer Concept, Women’s Inability to Drive a Conversation, Emotional Kinematics, The Idea of Discipline, How to Spend your Money Towards Getting Laid, Male Pride.

Some are plain-simple and anything but fancy (do it again and again to eliminate the approach anxiety). Also, you will find only few tips on what “exactly” to say approaching in this book (Janka says he doesn’t like canned stuff). For comparison only: In Mystery’s book “Revelation” are countless lines that you can use if you don’t know what to say (but Mystery’s book costs respectable $97).

But the one thing you simply have to love about this guy is his direct and pointed way of writing – you almost can tell he’s a Hardard-educated Physicist. So, in the end, I can recommend this book – there are no groundbreaking ideas, but some insights alone are worth the $19.95.

If you need more info, here’s a good review:

www.bestseductionbooks.com

Starting a conversation with a beautiful woman can be tough. In fact, it scares most of the guys, although no one would admit it. But everyone knows the process: You get nervous, get sweaty palms and start stuttering – if you decide to approach her at all.

However, there are ways to do it right. Ways that work.

1)    Use an Opinion Opener.

An opener is a question or statement you start a conversation with. Thus, an opinion opener is about asking her opinion on something. For example: “Hi! I’m searching for a birthday present for a friend. She’s the same age as you. Do you have an idea? I was thinking about a book…” Or “Hey, do you think wearing too many rings is kind of gay? I want to get some, but I’m not sure…” Let her speak and listen carefully as you can use her answers to keep up the conversation. A good opener will automatically lead to other questions and topics of conversation.

2)    Demonstrate Value.

Impress her with stuff only few people talk about at the beginning of a conversation. For example, if you asked her about the rings and she wears one or some, say that you read in a magazine yesterday that wearing rings on certain fingers says something about one’s personality. On the other hand, if she’s not wearing any rings, you can tell her that the decision not to wear rings says something about her personality. In doing so you demonstrate a higher value as most of the guys use “interview questions” like: “What is your name?”, “Where are you from?”, “What kind of work you do?” Read up on palm reading, (favorite) color meaning, finger length meaning or psycho tests. Women love tests where you tell them something about them they didn’t know. But practice it at home (with a friend) first.

3)     Find Similarities.

This is necessary to build comfort. She has to see herself in you, has to realize that you both have the same feelings. Of course, you need some time to build up comfort, but also a short story like this can be striking: “Hey, you have the same boots like my sister! I was shopping with her and she searched through 10 shoe stores to find them…” Again, let her talk for a while, maybe you will find something you can relate to and build even more comfort.

P.S. Never open with “Excuse me”. As a man of high status (at least that’s what you want to demonstrate, because women are attracted to status) you don’t need to apologize for a simple question or statement. You will find more tips how to start a conversation, how to demonstrate value and build comfort here:

Why do you have to be different to attract women?

Because it makes you interesting, it makes you stand out from the last 10 or even 100 guys the girl you’re talking to hooked up with. It’s a fact: Women like men with (concrete) goals as this demonstrates a strong, assertive character.

Being different also means that you can demonstrate value – for example by showing something not everyone can do. This doesn’t mean that you have to play a greasy song on the guitar (but do so if you can). For example you can ask her about the last time she laughed with all her heart (say a friend asked you this and you didn’t know what to answer first – but now you know). Ask her to tell you about the happiest moment of her life or a special moment in her childhood and then tell yours. Try to relate to her thoughts and feelings – but don’t overdo it.

Read up on palm reading, dream interpretation or psycho tests (it’s not that difficult to memorize this stuff as all those “tests” work with given patterns) and use it on your next date. Women love all kinds of tests.

Don’t forget: it’s not only about the content but your presentation as 90 % of the communication is non-verbal (60% is Body Language and 30% is the Tone).

Being different means being unaffected by her beauty and her “shit tests” (when she tries to figure out whether you’re a confident guy or a weak, average guy). Stop acting friendly just to please her – she will be bored as this is what every average guy does – be different.

That’s why “bad boys” are so successful – they demonstrate a strong character, act like they’ve got countless options and could leave the girl in a second. The menatl frame to use her is this: Behave like she’s not attractive at all.

If she’s very beautiful, never make compliments on her looks! She hears it all the time and to her you’re just the next guy who wants in her pants. Instead you can use a “neg” like “That’s a nice hair color! Is it real?” to show her that you’re not impressed by her looks and thus disqualify yourself as a suitor.

What women are attracted to is Status and Personality. Before you go with “Well, I don’t have a Ferrari so it’s hopeless for me” – here’s the important thing about status:

You don’t have to be rich to demonstrate a high status! And even if you are rich, you still need some other characteristics to get the girl – it’s not the money alone that gets you the girl. Here is what really counts:

Characteristics like dominance, decisiveness, leadership, confidence and intelligence. Being articulate is also a major point.

As we all know, the first impression has a lot to do with the way you dress. To quote Michael Jordan’s father, “If you dress like a bum, then they’re gonna treat you like a bum. If you dress like a hoodlum, they’re going to treat you like a hoodlum…” (Michael Jordan, Driven from Within).

You get the idea – if you’re dressed like a computer programmer, they… You know the rest. So what you need to do is to improve the way you dress.

Of course, looks are NOT the most important part of attracting girls, but they are important. The way your are dressed will have an effect on the way people assess you – even unconscious. People judge by the looks and you have only seconds to demonstrate that you are a man of style. Don’t mess it up with boring sweaters and dirty sneakers.

You don’t have to dress like a gigolo either. If you look like a software engineer, try to loosen your clothes a little bit – add some color to it. Get rid of plaid and Hawaiian shirts. Look for some interesting necklaces, rings or wristlets (but try to avoid knickknack).

Why? Because every woman wants to know what they stand for. Such accessories make your interesting – they even allow a woman to contact you. And women are very curious as for glitter.

Good shoes are important as women pay attention to what kind of shoes guys wear. Again, try to avoid sneakers – for example you can buy a pair of nice, black italian shoes. They are worth it.

You need a nice jacket, not a multi-color-baseball-jacket. It doesn’t have to be a leather jacket – although it will draw a much more attention. A simple, classy coat can make a hell of impression. It’s not about buying the most expensive stuff and looking or looking like a fashion junkie. It’s about adding class to the way you dress. Shops like Zara or even H&M will do it completely.

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Ok, by now you know that complimenting a girl on her looks is a major mistake – not only in online dating. So what are the other mistakes that you shouldn’t avoid chatting with girls on facebook, myspace aso.?

Another big mistake is writing too long messages and chatting too long in general.

The reason is that the girl doesn’t know you and isn’t sure, whether to spend her precious time on you. She obviously has to take some to read long messages, which are in most cases boring as most guys don’t know how to tell an interesting story that demonstrate higher value in a short way. This leads to negative feelings inside her, which means she won’t contact you again.

So, instead of writing long messages about you, where you live and what you do – and writing endlessly in general – keep it short and get to the point. Girls like guys who know what they want and value their own time. After about short 10 messages you can say something like this:

“I get pretty busy, so you won’t find me online often. Let’s continue this on the phone, here’s my number. Or, if you’re old-fashioned, just mail me yours.”

Here is what Neil Strauss has to say on online dating.

P.S. If you’re unsure, how to improve your profile to get girls contacting you – take a look at the brand-new (2008) 224-page e-book called “The Online Game“.