Don’t know what to do in the comfort phase? Try these questions and she will be hanging on your lips:
1. You must plan your own death. How old are you? How does it happen? And what is the funeral like?
2. You can be any animal. What are you? You can marry any animal except your own species. What kind of animal do you marry?
3. You can pick your parents from any point in time; they can be real or fictional. Who are they?
4. We have found a stargate and you can travel to any location and time. To what 3 places would you go? Okay. Now, what if once you cross through, you learn you cannot return? In which of the three places would you stay?
5. If you had to have a tattoo, what and where would it be?
6. You can invite five people to dinner, real or fictional, from any place or time. Who do you invite to dinner and why?
Interpretations of her answers:
1. Talking about how you would like to die says a lot about how you would like to live. This is a great point of reference for commonality. Finding someone who wants to live like you want to live is really special. Most of us aren’t living as we’d like to, sharing that desire brings you that much closer to achieving it.
2. Confident people pick animals who possess qualities they like about themselves. Insecure people pick animals they admire. When selecting an animal for their spouse, they usually select an animal that is least like their last or current BF. For instance, if she says she would be a dolphin it means she admires freedom, intelligence, cuteness, beauty. If she chooses a dog for her spouse’s animal, it means that she abhors disloyalty and her ex probably cheated on her.
3. Only those most comfortable with themselves and their families will answer with their own parents. The person’s choices for her parents often reflect the qualities and/or conditions that were absent in her upbringing. Rather than draw attention to this, point out that fact that these are qualities which they want to instill in their own children. For instance if her dad was Einstein, she would like her children to be smart and great
4. The places in time and space people choose tell you what kinds of feelings they want to feel when they are free of limits and stressors in their lives. If they choose Mars, they like to feel discovery and newness. If they choose prehistoric Earth, they like uncertainty and danger. The place they decide to stay often represents the extreme feelings they are most comfortable with. For instance if their third option was Antarctica, they are most comfortable feeling alone, versus discovery or danger.
5. Tattoos represent permanence. In this day and age, many young people have tattoos, so they will probably show you theirs. This is good, but not the point of the exercise. Let them show it to you. But ask them if they get another one. The symbol or picture holds great meaning to them. The location they would get it likely represents a point of vulnerability to them, or perhaps their sense of style. It’s up to you to decide which it is.
6. The five people question is the hardest to sort out. You will be tempted to analyze the significance of each one. Don’t do this, as it is not the point. Instead, the five people represent what the person finds attractive or interesting within a group. For instance, if she picks a diverse group of men and women, she prefers a variety of friends and interests. If she picks all important people, such as actors and celebrities, she is more concerned with high social value. If she picks all people that will get along, she likes everyone to be comfortable and happy. If, like me, she picks people deliberately to spark
controversy and debate…well, you get the picture.
P.S. Remember, it’s more important HOW you say what you say than WHAT you say. To master this area I recommend to check out RSD’s Hot Seat at Home.