How to Approach if She’s Sitting Down by Nick Savoy
A lot of guys won’t approach a woman when she’s sitting down – like at a restaurant, park bench, or if there are couches or places to sit at a bar or club.
And I understand why. When I was first figuring out how to meet and attract beautiful women, I had the same problem. It’s really awkward to just be standing there when a woman and her friends are all looking at you and you’re obviously the outsider. A lot of times it took all the confidence I had just to approach and survive the awkwardness — let alone run smooth, solid game in that situation.
But I figured out a couple solutions.
First off, the only thing that’s different is that you have to find a way to get you and her on the same “level”. Both sitting or both standing, either is fine.
Usually, you’ll have more luck sitting with her and her friends than getting her to stand up with you, but either way works. Or if you and your friends are at a nearby table, you can also move her and her whole group over to join you guys. (That’s often how it works at a nightclub).
The move that gives a lot of guys the most trouble is joining her group and sitting at her table. Here’s how to do it. On the way over to her, look around. Are there empty seats at her table? Great! If not, are there chairs nearby that can be easily moved to her table (and is there room)? Etc. Know what your possibilities are. (This takes about one second — it’s not an excuse to delay approaching)
Within a minute – during your transition from your opener – you need to sit down with her. Even if you are comfortable standing. The best way to do this is to sit down while you are saying something, ideally, while you are using a False Time Constraint (telling her you have to get back to your friends in a second, etc.). The more you can make sitting down look temporary, the better. One trick I like to use with some chairs is to sit on them backwards — so like I’m facing the back of the chair (and still facing her of course — turn the chair around, not your body).
The reason for this is, it’s hard to have enough value within a minute that she (and her friends) can decide they want you with them for the rest of the night. But when you sit down with them, that’s how they might interpret it — that this guy is settling in for the rest of the night with them. They’ll get defensive and attraction becomes much harder. But you can’t stay standing for much longer than a minute while they’re sitting because you’ll look like a tool.
Dragging a chair over to her table works the same way. Ideally you can keep facing her and talking to her while you reach over and drag a chair. Like I wrote in Magic Bullets, don’t ask for permission; just use a false time constraint.
If there are no obvious extra seats, you can steal hers. Reach your arm out, palm up. Tell her to stand up. Raise your arm directly up to “spin” her (she is doing all of the spinning; you just touch her hand) and while doing this, move behind her and sit on her chair. Tease her for a second that you stole her chair and deliver another false time constraint. You’re implying that you’re about to leave and that you will give her the chair back. Within a couple of minutes, you will either need to let her sit back down and go get another chair, move her somewhere else where you can both be comfortable, or put her on your lap.
Here are two scenarios you might encounter, along with a solution on how to handle each of them.
Scenario 1: She is sitting at a large table, there is space available, most nearby tables are full, and there is a reason to be sitting down (e.g., a coffee shop).
This is the easiest scenario, but fairly rare. Just walk straight over to the table and say “do you mind if I sit down?” in the same way you would if it was a man at the table. Then, not right away but within the next 20 seconds, begin a conversation. You should use a very low-energy opener in this situation. This is the easiest way to approach this situation, but you can also use the strategies from earlier in this article if you prefer.
Scenario 2: She is sitting at a table either without extra room or where nearby tables are empty. Sit at a table close enough to hers so that you could comfortably have a conversation. Ignore her for the first couple minutes, and then initiate conversation in the same way as in the previous example. Again, this is just a shortcut. If you prefer, you can still use one of the strategies from earlier in this article.
The general rule is, don’t keep standing while everyone is seated. This will lower your social value. Take a seat as soon as you can, use a false time constraint, and go from there like you talk to any other group of people.