Browsing "Approach"

How to Talk to Women – 10 Quick Tips

Tip #1: Make eye contact. It’s much better to start a conversation with an eye contact. Good eye contact is important as it demonstrates self-confidence. A lot of guys are so nervous talking to a girl that they don’t really look into her eyes more than a second. You should be able to tell what color her eyes are. To intensify the eye contact, first look in her left eye, then the right and back again. But don’t overdo it.

Tip #2: Say “Hi” with energy. When you approach a woman, say “Hello” in a flirty way. It will make her think you’re sexier than the average geek who walks up to her and gives her a shy “Hi”.

Tip #3: Shake her hand a bit longer. When you shake her hand, let your hand stay on hers for a bit too long and then brush against her hand as you pull back. Do this while smiling and looking into her eyes sincerely.

Tip #4: Mention her name from time to time. Everyone likes to hear his/her name. So repeat her name slowly from time to time in the conversation.

Tip #5: Lower your volume during the conversation. Speak slowly and lower your volume so she has to lean towards you to listen.

Tip #6: Be Playful. Make fun of her playfully from time to time. Imagine she’s your little sister. Have fun together. Find a funny nickname for her. But again, don’t overdo it.

Tip #7: Be the “touchy guy”. Touch her as soon you can during the conversation (while approaching is the best). Touch her on the upper arm, shoulder while you laugh.

Tip #8: Mirror her body language. People tend to like people who move and behave like them. Try to imitate her gestures and signs.

Tip #9: Let her talk and listen. This is probably the most important tip. Women love to talk, to tell someone about their feelings. And they always complain men don’t listen. So be different – learn to listen carefully. Don’t look around while she’s telling a story – of course she does notice when you’re looking at the hot waitress.

Tip #10: Open up. Tell her something intimate about yourself (for example: when was the last time you cried in front of somebody?). Ask her the same question. Talk about her childhood.

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Here is the creator in action:

How to Pick Up Women – 7 Things You Need to Do to Get the Girl

1. Go out and approach. You can read all the pickup material in the world and watch endless pickup videos on YouTube, but as long as you don’t go out and practice the stuff you read and see it doesn’t matter. In fact, it might even kill your game as you become dependent on those videos because they make you feel good (temporarily).

2. Don’t take things girls say personally. If you get rejected – and this happens to EVERYONE, even pickup gurus – don’t start thinking she doesn’t like you as a person. She can’t because she doesn’t know you long enough. It’s always about your approach: Did you smile? Were you loud enough? Did you make superfluos gestures?

3. Focus on the process, not on the outcome. If you go out with the goal to make-up or sleep with a girl you are doomed to fail. You simply can’t predict those things and if things don’t go your way it will affect your (emotional) state. And girls always look for your emotional state first. Try to have fun in the process – it will simplify anything else.

4. Lead. Don’t be passive and listen to her stories for hours. Talk about things you want to talk about. Don’t wait for something to happen, make it happen! Say you want to do XYZ and do it. Suggest things, take responsibility. Change venues, inspire her to do something with you.

5. Work her emotions. Women are all about emotions, different kind of emotions. That why they like drama and crying at the movies so much. Never bore her, simply give her what she wants: the full range of emotions. Say you love her, then say you hate her… This is not lying, this is called flirting. Extreme emotions are WAY better than no emotions at all. Even a negative emotion is better than no emotion because you can change it to positive. Tell stories that trigger her emotions. Be unpredictable, surprise her.

6. Always kino escalate. Touch her while approaching (there are studies showing this alone improves the response rate dramatically), hug her, use high fives, punch her in the shoulder (playfully), ask for a small massage (you will be surprised how many girls will do you the favor!) and massage her, do hand reading etc. Kino escalation is a must to avoid landing in the friend zone. Women love physical contact much more than men, however don’t overdo it in the beginning, keep it subtle.

7. Calibrate. Pickup is about adapting to the girl. Girls are different and sometimes will react differently to your stuff – depending on her emotional state etc. Don’t let this affect your game, just adapt. Find out what she’s about, give her some extremes and look how she reacts. Don’t worry, it’s still better than no extremes at all as it triggers her emotions and that exaclty what girls want. This way you will stand out from all the boring guys she has met in the past.

For more information on pickup, check out Real Social Dynamics’ Hot Seat at Home (brand-new!).


 


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Foolproof 5-Step Plan to Get Girls in a Club

1. Warm up: Approach at least 5 random people on the street before going to a club.

2. Get to the club half an hour before everyone is going. This way you reduce the chances girls have already been approached by some guys and have their “bitch shield” on. Also, they are still willing to be approached by a confident, funny guy. A guy like you!

3. Coming into a club smile and open a set immediately. It doesn’t matter what you say, what counts is that you look like a social guy. As you open, make a habit to touch the person on the shoulder lightly. Forget about people judging you. I think Neil Strauss, author of The Game, puts said it best: People don’t really care about what you’re doing in a club, they are too busy worrying what other people are thinking about THEM.

For example ask “where is the VIP room? How many rooms are here?” etc. Pretend to walk away and then ask “Hey, are you best friends? Yeah? Because there is a cool test for best friends I’ve read in the Cosmopolitan…” Now they will wanna know why a guy reads Cosmopolitan (you were at the dentist and it was the only magazine in the waiting room).
Do the best friends test and continue with other routines.

Can’t find the right set to open? Ask the barman or the bouncer something (for example: “Why is the club is so empty?”) Try to talk at least for a minute. It’s important that girls/ guys see you talking to people.

4. Place yourself at the bar facing the dance floor. Sit down if you can and put your elbow on the counter. Don’t order drinks and hold the bottle in front of your chest (it’s what everybody does and you’re not everybody).

5. As you are there early, girls will come up to the bar and order drinks. If they are close to you, touch her lightly on the shoulder saying “Hey, what perfume is that?” As she goes “XYZ”, say: “the reason why I’m asking is because a want to make a present to a female friend, but I’m absolutely clueless. And I think if I ask in a store they will simply recommend me the most expensive one…”

Sometimes she will say “Oh, I don’t even know…” Don’t let you fool you, say: “Come on, you probably have like 17 small bottles in front of your mirror.” She probably will say: “No!! I’m not that type of girl!” You: “Okay, 16 then”. Tease her a bit, flirt with her. Don’t forget to engage her friend.

When they finally want to move along, join them or say “Hey, you seem like really cool guys, can I join you until my friends show up? They must be here any minute…” If they say no, keep your smile and don’t worry: They are not your last set. (And you probably will see them later in the club anyway and it will be easy to continue your conversation).

Stay at your place and open sets immediately that are to your left or right saying “Hey, did you see these (girls)? She said she likes your ass!” (it doesn’t matter if it’s a guy or a girl). Transition with your routines. New game, new luck!

P.S. Two important things to keep in mind:

1) Never let them affect your state in a negative way (at least never show it!), because it will fuck up your next set. Learn to not give a fuck about stuff like that and especially shit tests.

2) Always kino escalate (touching)! Otherwise it will be really awkward to touch for the first time.

Need some inspiration? Check out RSD’s Hot Seat at Home and this video:


 


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7 Great Openers for Mixed Sets by Juggler

A simple way to open a mixed set is to approach one group member, make friends with him or her and simply ask that person to introduce you to everybody else. But you can also approach all members of the group using specific openers.

Here are 7 great openers for mixed sets (guys AND girls) by Juggler:

1. “It’s interesting that when you have a group of four or more people together like this, the tallest always stands across from the shortest.” – Alter as needed.

2. “Do you guys want to see a magic trick? Alright, close your eyes.” (Take the cute girl by the hand away from the group while everybody’s eyes are closed. Do not return.)

3. “Hey guys! They say in a group there is always one person that nobody really likes. Is that true?” When somebody says “No”, say “And they say the person who says ‘no’ is that person!”

4. “You see that group over there? They said they are more fun than your group. Please prove to me they are wrong.”

5. “Who is the leader here?” (They all point). Say playfully to leader, “What qualifies you to be in charge?”, “Do you know what alpha means?”

6. “Where have I seen you guys before? Were you at so and so’s party? The one where the stripper gave a lap dance to the clown.”

7. “I bet I can use my Psychic powers to figure out how everybody knows each other. Mmmmm let’s see. I am getting a vibe. Yes there it is. You are all members of the same nudist club. I can tell because you are very comfortable with each other but not comfortable with your clothes. (Whisper to girl) “Which guy is the biggest?” “Really, I would have never guessed. Of course it is what you do with it that counts…

P.S. If you need more openers, RSD’s Hot Seat at Home has lots of great ones.


 


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Why You Should Touch People on the Upper Arm

It’s a fact: Most guys who aren’t good with women don’t use kino (kinesthetics), that is touching, at all! Some of them are so nervous meeting a girl that they forget about touching completely and when it comes to their mind it feels awkward (the logic: I haven’t touched her the whole time, so it would be strange to do it now).

However, one cannot overemphasise the importance of touching. In fact, studies show that 65 % of women accept the offer of a dance when being (briefly) touched on the arm – compared with 43 % when not being touched (Gueguen, N. 2007). On the street, 20 % of women are willing to give their telephone number when you approach with a brief touch on the upper arm. Without touching only 10 % agree. You are even 20 % more likely to get money from a stranger on the street if you approach with a brief touch on the upper arm.

The reason why touching is so effective is because it is unconsciously perceived as an indicator of high status (Major & Heslin, 1982; Summerhayes & Suchner 1978). And as you probably know nothing is more important for women than your status (not even shoes, because it’s your status that is promising shoes etc.). From the evolutionary perspective, men with a high status are ideal because they are able to provide for the family.

Most women don’t consciously register the touch, but unconsciously they feel a positive effect. And no, it’s not weird being “the touchy guy” – as long as you are authentic. That means you need to be the touchy guy all the time, with everyone and not only with her in a cozy lounge. Give guys a high five, a friendly pat on the back, touch the upper arm of a girl when you ask for directions and your value will skyrocket (without being the old-bold-asshole in a Ferrari).

P.S. If you need concrete instructions, you should take a look at the Beyond Words Body Language Course:

Nick Savoy for thepickupdiary.com

How to Approach if She’s Sitting Down by Nick Savoy

A lot of guys won’t approach a woman when she’s sitting down – like at a restaurant, park bench, or if there are couches or places to sit at a bar or club.

And I understand why.  When I was first figuring out how to meet and attract beautiful women, I had the same problem.  It’s really awkward to just be standing there when a woman and her friends are all looking at you and you’re obviously the outsider.  A lot of times it took all the confidence I had just to approach and survive the awkwardness — let alone run smooth, solid game in that situation.
But I figured out a couple solutions.

First off, the only thing that’s different is that you have to find a way to get you and her on the same “level”.  Both sitting or both standing, either is fine.

Usually, you’ll have more luck sitting with her and her friends than getting her to stand up with you, but either way works.  Or if you and your friends are at a nearby table, you can also move her and her whole group over to join you guys.  (That’s often how it works at a nightclub).

The move that gives a lot of guys the most trouble is joining her group and sitting at her table.  Here’s how to do it.  On the way over to her, look around.  Are there empty seats at her table?  Great!  If not, are there chairs nearby that can be easily moved to her table (and is there room)?  Etc.  Know what your possibilities are.  (This takes about one second — it’s not an excuse to delay approaching)
Within a minute – during your transition from your opener – you need to sit down with her.  Even if you are comfortable standing.  The best way to do this is to sit down while you are saying something, ideally, while you are using a False Time Constraint (telling her you have to get back to your friends in a second, etc.).  The more you can make sitting down look temporary, the better.  One trick I like to use with some chairs is to sit on them backwards — so like I’m facing the back of the chair (and still facing her of course — turn the chair around, not your body).

The reason for this is, it’s hard to have enough value within a minute that she (and her friends) can decide they want you with them for the rest of the night.  But when you sit down with them, that’s how they might interpret it — that this guy is settling in for the rest of the night with them.  They’ll get defensive and attraction becomes much harder.  But you can’t stay standing for much longer than a minute while they’re sitting because you’ll look like a tool.

Dragging a chair over to her table works the same way.  Ideally you can keep facing her and talking to her while you reach over and drag a chair. Like I wrote in Magic Bullets, don’t ask for permission; just use a false time constraint.

If there are no obvious extra seats, you can steal hers. Reach your arm out, palm up. Tell her to stand up. Raise your arm directly up to “spin” her (she is doing all of the spinning; you just touch her hand) and while doing this, move behind her and sit on her chair. Tease her for a second that you stole her chair and deliver another false time constraint. You’re implying that you’re about to leave and that you will give her the chair back. Within a couple of minutes, you will either need to let her sit back down and go get another chair, move her somewhere else where you can both be comfortable, or put her on your lap.

Here are two scenarios you might encounter, along with a solution on how to handle each of them.

Scenario 1: She is sitting at a large table, there is space available, most nearby tables are full, and there is a reason to be sitting down (e.g., a coffee shop).

This is the easiest scenario, but fairly rare. Just walk straight over to the table and say “do you mind if I sit down?” in the same way you would if it was a man at the table. Then, not right away but within the next 20 seconds, begin a conversation. You should use a very low-energy opener in this situation. This is the easiest way to approach this situation, but you can also use the strategies from earlier in this article if you prefer.

Scenario 2: She is sitting at a table either without extra room or where nearby tables are empty. Sit at a table close enough to hers so that you could comfortably have a conversation. Ignore her for the first couple minutes, and then initiate conversation in the same way as in the previous example. Again, this is just a shortcut. If you prefer, you can still use one of the strategies from earlier in this article.

The general rule is, don’t keep standing while everyone is seated. This will lower your social value. Take a seat as soon as you can, use a false time constraint, and go from there like you talk to any other group of people.

Quick Tips to Conquer Approach Anxiety

If you see a woman you’d like to meet, but you don’t approach her, that’s “approach anxiety.” This is a common problem for men. The Magic Bullets Handbook has a sizable section on this – here are a couple refresher tips straight from Magic Bullets:

• Give your wingman $100 at the start of the night. He gives you $10 back every time you make an approach. You’ll get in the habit very quickly.
• Keep a journal of your nights out and how many approaches you did. You can’t manage what you don’t measure.
• Do a few “warm up” approaches before you get to the bar or club or party. A club I used to go to a lot had a dive bar right beside it – so I’d go to the dive bar for 20 minutes, “warm up” with some approaches to get me in a talkative mood, then I went to the club.
• Momentum is crucial. Approach as soon as you get in the club. Even if it’s just to ask the time. Don’t let inertia take over. (Lots of people forget this rule.)
• Before you go out, write down a list of excuses why someone might not approach. (E.g., “She’s not hot enough,” “I want to get a drink/go to the bathroom first,” “She looks like she’s talking to her friends,” “I don’t have an opener ready,” etc.) Decide in advance if any of those excuses “count.” When you go out, don’t talk yourself out of an approach with an excuse that doesn’t count.

The best way to get rid of approach anxiety is of course to improve your game so that you WANT to approach, because each interaction will be exciting and fun. It’s amazing how quickly approach anxiety disappears after you do the first ones.

P.S. If you’re an advanced student of “the game”, check out this mind-blowing Advanced Playboy Mansion Bootcamp (July 22-23rd).

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Oct 28, 2012 - Approach, openers, Opening    No Comments

The Bullet-Proof Way to Start a Conversation

Every approach begins with an opener, the springboard to start a conversation. This early moment sets the tone for the interaction and breaks the ice.

Any bullet-proof opener will help you achieve three goals:

1. It’s an un-threatening approach to open the person or group up for having a conversation

2. It stirs up curiosity and captures the person or group’s imagination

3. It’s a springboard for additional follow-up conversational threads

What Makes an Opener “bullet-proof”?

There a few ingredients that allow you to approach smoothly without seeming awkward and give you a built-in “safety net” to eject if necessary. Here are the ingredients:

1. ROOT – The first question that runs through anyone’s mind who is approached by a stranger is this:

“Why is this guy talking to me? What does he want?”

The root in an opener communicates from the beginning WHY you are talking to the person. It explains the reason of your approach.

2. TIME CONSTRAINT – The second question that crosses the mind of anyone who is approached:

“How long do I have to talk to this guy? When will he leave again?”

(She obviously doesn’t know yet how interesting you really are :)) By embedding a time constraint in your opener, you will answer this question from the beginning. A time constraint looks like this:

“I have only a minute. I’m already late for a meeting.” It also has a second advantage. If you

need to eject, you can, say at any time: “I have to run. Pleasure meeting you.”

3. OPEN-ENDED Question. If you ask a Yes/No question it will be a VERY short conversation. Posing questions that elicit a longer response will give you more opportunities to start another conversational thread and more time to think.

Here’s an example of a bullet-proof opinion opener:

You: Hey guys, let me get your opinion on something. I’m trying to help my friend and I’d like to get a female opinion. (This is the root explaining why you are asking the question)

Group of Girls: What?

You: Okay, I’ve only got a minute. Do you follow the advice given to you by your horoscopes? I have a reason for asking. Let me just get your opinions then I’ll tell you why I’m asking.

(There’s the time constraint and the open ended question)

Group of Girls: …

(Sometimes this will already start a conversation. But there is more. The second part of this opener transitions into a little story)

You: The reason I’m asking is because my friend met a girl at a party last weekend, who said that her horoscope told her that she would meet her future husband. They actually hooked up. Now, the strange thing is, ever since then, my friend can’t stop thinking of her. He always wants to hang out with this girl, 24/7. He says he’s in love with her. Do you think it’s the horoscope’s prediction or just psychology?

Group of Girls: …

(This will lead to conversations about astrology, destiny and a lot of other topics.)

Keep in mind: A good opener is NOT just about the words you say but about HOW you communicate in these 4 levels:

Level 1: The words that you say.

Level 2: The vocal intonation you use.

Level 3: The type of eye contact, facial expression, gestures, and body language you display.

Level 4: The attitude you are feeling, and the energy you are projecting.

What does that mean?

It means just because you know the WORDS, does not mean you can USE the opener. It comes down to PRACTICE and REPETITION.

You will find tons of great (working) openers in the book Magic Bullets. Get it! It will change your life (no exaggeration!).

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