Nice Guys vs. Jerks

What are some signs that you are being too nice?

-She talks about other men around you.
-She is comfortable touching you or being touched, but there’s no sexuality behind it
-She wishes her boyfriend (or more men in general) were more like you.
-She doesn’t get dressed up to see you (unless you are going out somewhere).
-She takes calls from other men around you.

Similarly, there are some common signs to be aware of when you are being too much of a jerk:

-She calls you an “asshole” or “mean” (without smiling). A woman can call you evil, a jerk, bad news, or a player, and still be very attracted to you. Or she can call you anything while smiling. But most women will not call you an asshole or tell you that you’re mean and actually want you.

-She’s not comfortable being alone with you.
-You’re teasing her or “negging” her and it used to get a positive response but is now getting a negative one.
With any change you make, take it to both extremes (too much and too little) and get used to where the boundaries are.

As a more advanced thought, if you’re trying to be less of the “nice guy,” try to be “selfish” rather than to be a “jerk.” When you’re a jerk, you are deliberately bringing someone else down. When you’re selfish, you are putting your own needs first. And that’s the problem for most “nice guys.” They put other peoples’ needs and wants above their own.

Be selfish only if you are getting the “nice guy” reactions from women. Cancel plans if you don’t feel like going out or something more interesting comes up. Within reason, don’t offer to pick her up, drive her home, etc. Dates should be things that you’d enjoy doing anyway – this applies whether or not you are normally too nice, and Chapter 17 (Dates) of Magic Bullets explains why. When you’re faced with a decision, ask yourself what a selfish person would do. And so on.

Another great way to manage your “nice guy” factor – either up or down – is to pick out and adapt some routines from the Love Systems’ Routines Manual. A routine is just a story or a game or a phrase or anything you can say or do in different situations for the purpose of succeeding with women. Every routine in the Love Systems’ Routines Manual is introduced with an explanation of when and how to use it, and from these descriptions you can pick out a few routines that will make you seem more nice and less nice and adapt them for your own reality. Now you can manage your own “niceness” level!

If you want to find out how to stop being a nice guy, check out the interview No More Mister Nice Guy.

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