Spending all day in the gym may improve your looks. But seriously – it won’t get you more women. A lot of men think that women are attracted to a well-trained body. That’s right. But they also think a huge biceps is enough to impress and to arouse a woman. And that’s ridiculously wrong.
Women are aroused through emotional reactions, and those are caused primarily by words. So what women are really looking for is a guy who knows what to say, how to say it and when to say it. Only then touching will get you somewhere.
So, what you really need to work on is your ability to arouse a woman with your words. At the same time you have to learn how to read women’s body language.
Still, a lot of guys believe that women are attracted to a big biceps, chest and so on – to how a guy looks like. Here is what women are really attracted to: Status and Personality. Clues to those are characteristics like decisiveness, leadership, confidence and intelligence. So what you really need to train is not your biceps but your ability to exhibit the right traits for success.
Think about concrete goals in your life. Women like men with goals as this demonstrates a strong, assertive character. Why? Because it makes you interesting, it makes you stand out from the last 10 or even 100 guys the girl you’re talking to hooked up with.
This doesn’t mean that you already have to be successful in your business, but that you can demonstrate her that you can be successful. However you always have to pay attention to her reaction on your behaviour and adapt (this is called calibrating) – otherwise you will lose her.
If you want to know how exactly to demonstrate these qualities, check out Mystery’s ebook Revelation (Chapters 5 & 9).
A lot of newbies wonder why they should use canned openers and any kind of routines. They think being spontaneous is all you need. So, why do you need routines at all?
Routines are great training wheels. They allow you to test and refine the delivery of your material so you eventually get it “just right”. Routines clear your mind of the constant question: “OMG what am I going to say next to keep the conversation going?”
They allow you to be actually more present in the moment and tune directly
into the emotional connection between you and the girl. While your mouth keeps blabbering
interesting stuff, almost without an effort of your thinking brain.
Routines literally open your heart to focus on HER and HER reactions. They allow you to flow and vibe and be in complete sync with her emotions, which is all that matters anyway.
Of course, being quick-witted and coming up with original, personal stuff to say
on the fly is the holy grail. But routines are a must for two reasons:
Reason #1: Everyone has an off day or an off moment.
Even the most skilled conversationalist will hit a lull sooner or later. What better way to amp up the energy again than by pulling out a tried and true routine… where the audience reaction is 100% predictable!?
Reason #2: Studying routines makes you think about why they work. They allow you to see the PATTERNS behind social interaction.
P.S. If you need some outstanding, working openers and routines for tones of different situations, get Magic Bullets, the “pickup bible”.
ABC’s Nightline show infiltrated Love Systems’ annual Super Conference to see if the dating tips and techniques actually work. There is cutting edge hidden footage of dating coaches picking up women and breaking down how it all happened. Plus how you can do it yourself.
Here’s the link for the video:
Unfortunately the TV crew escorted out of the seminar room at one point, but because the attendees were about to see how one of the coaches took a girl home in under 5 minutes and broke it down how he did it. All the teachings of the company are based on the founder’s book called Magic Bullets. Grab your copy here.
Attractive women on a daily basis have dozens of men come up to them and validate their beauty with compliments and sometimes gifts. It gets so that women find this boring or
Some women even develop tactics that help them weed through this multitude of boring nice guys just attracted to them for their looks. I mean I can’t blame them because I could
see how all those AFCs would get super boring.
The women get tough and test guys with attitude. In a manner of speaking this is the female way of Disqualifying and Qualifying men. They play the GAME too.
Disqualifying a woman allows you to show her that you aren’t like all the other guys who are just attracted to her for her looks. It lets her work for your attraction. It sets you up as a
PUA to allow her to display something more about herself for you to be attracted to other than her looks.
So now that you understand the concept let’s look at some methods to DQ:
1. Ignoring the target and spending more time speaking to her friends is a good way to start.
2. Disagreeing with a woman’s opinion on an item to show her you won’t cave your ideals to hers just because she’s attractive.
3. Teasing a woman with a playful joke like saying “You don’t get out much do you?” Remember always smile when you tease. Sometimes these types of DQs are called “pebbles.”
4. Letting a woman know that their is something about her that prohibits you from dating her. Such as “You’re a Scorpio? I never date Scorpios…dram, drama, drama.” Remember to
5. Or simply implying that you are spoken for: “My girlfriend would like your dress.”
When you use a DQ be sure to not wait for your target to react. It’s important that she perceives it as something you just casually say and didn’t over-think or plan out.
If the DQ is more of a tease that could come off as an insult you should always smile. Smiling allows the target to know that you are not fully serious. You’re just flirting…that’s what the smile says.
The 10 Best Disqualifiers (DQs):
1. “You should go back to your friends. I think the kids at the nerd table really miss you.”
2. “I bet you were the type of kid that always got spaghetti sauce all over your face.”
3. “Note to self: Do not date this girl.” (pretend to take a note on your hand)
4. “I bet there are tons of guys waiting to meet you on the Internet.”
5. “I don’t let women like you into my house without a background check first.”
6. “You are so bad at being pretty.”
7. “Check this girl out. She’s amazing, and so bright and funny. Would you believe she’s never had a date?”
8. “Yeah, you’re like the coolest girl I’ve met in this location in the last 2 minutes.”
9. “You are such a dork, it’s really adorable.”
10. “You’re such a nice girl. I really shouldn’t even be talking to you.”
Meeting women in daytime environments is a great alternative for bar and club environments. You strike up a conversation with a girl in a book store, talk for a few minutes, and you leave with a phone number. It really can be that easy. However, there is one mistake that a lot of guys make when they want to try to meet women using “day game.”
One common mistake guys make when it comes meeting and attracting women in daytime environments is that their goal is to get as many phone numbers as possible. While the majority of time you will leave with a phone number, your mindset and goals should not be to collect a bunch of phone numbers. Those are in itself are not worth much. Can you sleep with a phone number? No! The phone number is merely a logistical tool to communicate with a woman. Nothing more.
Also, women give out their phone number a lot. Sometimes even out of politeness knowing that they will never go out the guy. Other times to blow off the guy in a nice way (with a fake number).
Instead, what you want to have is commitments from women to go out on a date with you. As a result of her committing to see you again, you get her phone number. When you are interacting with a woman (from a cold approach), you want to make plans with her right then and there. Think of setting up the date as the “transaction” and the receipt of it is the phone number.
If a woman is not even willing to commit to see you again, you will know two things right away: she is not attracted to you enough and if you do get her phone number she will not go out with you anyway. The opposite is also true. If she is committed to see you again, you know for sure that she is attracted to you and she wants to see you again.
Now that you understand why getting women committed to see you again is important, here is a simple illustration how to use it. As you are hitting it off with a woman, what you want to do figure out is when she is available to go out with you, e.g. for drinks (make sure it is casual). Pick the day she is free to meet up again and then get her phone number. Below is an example:
Guy: So Jennifer, what are your plans the next couple days?
Girl: I have some plans with friends on Wednesday and Friday, not so sure about Thursday.
Guy: Great, let’s meet up for drinks on Thursday night. I know a great place where they serve really good wine. How do you feel about that?
Girl: Yes, sounds like fun.
Guy: Let me get your phone number and I’ll let you know about the time and place.
Girl: Ok my number is …….
It really is that simple. If you get a lot of flakey phone numbers (meaning you’re trying to meet up with a girl through texts and phone calls, but she doesn’t want to), one of the best ways to fix this problem is by first having women committing to see you again before you get her phone number. Try it and see how you many more dates you will be getting.
If you are interested in meeting women outside bars and clubs, you should definitely check out the book called Daytime Dating by Jeremy Soul. The book is about how to properly meet and attract women in daytime environments and this is one of the techniques discussed in the book. There are more step-by-step tips and techniques for picking up women in daytime environments. Check it out here.
The guys from Love Systems finally did it: The Body Language and Physical Escalation DVD is finished. Here is an interview with Cajun, a great PUA and one of the guys behind the DVD:
What is the Beyond Words DVD Home Study Course about?
Cajun: A lot of guys ask me on the forums and in emails how they can improve their body language so they can better approach and attract women. It’s hard to show it to them because it is something you have to see. A lot of body language is very subtle and that is hard to convey in text. You can read about body language in books but it’s not the same as when you can visually see it.
A couple months ago I flew to London to work with Vercetti, who is a trained Shakespearean actor and fellow Love Systems coach, to make this DVD home study course. We wanted to share our newest and proven methods to attract women using non-verbal communication.
Instead of writing a book, we decided to make a DVD because you can visually learn how to improve your body language. With help of Mr M, Keychain and 5.0 we also made an extra segment on physical escalation. Again, touching and physical escalation (“kino”) can be better taught by using a visual medium.
Why is body language so important?
Cajun: A lot of guys think what you say is the most important thing when it comes to attracting women. That couldn’t be further from the truth. It doesn’t matter what you say, it is how you say it. With the “how” I mean your tone of voice, facial expressions, body language, and what we call “subcommunications” and “subtext”.
In the DVD set we cover all these aspects and explain in depth why your non-verbal communication is much more important than your verbal. Scientific studies have shown that most communication between people is non-verbal. In this clip I tell why non-verbal communication is important (a sneak preview of the DVD).
Can you give one tip that someone can use right now to improve their body language?
Cajun: The simplest thing you can do today is to work on your posture. In the DVD we cover the Alexander technique on how that can improve your posture dramatically. Trained actors use this all the time.
Girls will reject you before you even approach if you have bad posture, because it subcommunicates a lot of bad things about you. This goes especially for guys who have sit behind a computer a lot.
A simple exercise you can do is to do row exercises at the gym and squats. Also, whenever you sit behind your desk, be conscious of your posture. Don’t slouch, sit tall and keep your back erect. If you buy a swiss ball and use that as your chair behind your desk, you will be forced to sit up straight and it will fix your posture that way too.
Anything else you want to share?
Cajun: I’m really excited about the Beyond Words DVD set. Finally I’ve been able to reveal all my body language and subtext secrets that I normally only teach on my workshops and 1on1 sessions. This DVD is one of a kind and you can finally learn how to properly physically escalate (“kino”) and how to use your body language so it becomes easier to meet and attract women.
For more information on Cajun and his Beyond Words DVD Home Study Course, click here.
Don’t forget to check out the other preview clips:
The best thing you can do, is read/listen to/watch something, but for the time you spend learning it, spend 3 times that going out and practicing it in field. So if you spend an hour reading something, spend 3 hours going out and practicing it.
At some point you realise that 75% (if not more) is not what you say, but what’s going on elsewhere: Your sub-communications such as your voice tonality, posture, body language, eye contact, how you carry yourself etc. and the mindset you’re going out with. Of course you can’t be spitting boring ass shit at the girl, but for example, a guy learning this stuff with 50 routines saved on his phone/written on a sheet in his back pocket and trying to remember them all with the mindset of ‘I hope I don’t fuck up’, or a guy that has two or three things he’s learnt that he’s gonna practice, and has the mindset of ‘I’m gonna go have fun with this’. Who’s gonna 1. Learn more from doing it a bit at a time, and 2. Have more fun doing it?
Don’t treat mastering this area of your life as work, treat it as a new game that you look forward to playing. Go out & have fun with it, and instead of trying to get good at opening, teasing, takeaways, disqualifying, transitioning, qualifying, escalating, closing, same night lays etc. all in one night, put the puzzle together one piece at a time. More importantly, don’t put so much emphasis on the result, work on the skillset, not the outcome.
For more info, check out the Love Systems audio download. The first 10 minutes are FREE!
In some ways, Day Game follows the same structure as any other type of game. But of course there are also differences. Here are the main ones and how to get around them:
1. Guys generally get more approach anxiety approaching girls in the daytime than they do at night.
People always think, “Isn’t it weird to approach girls in the day? Aren’t they busy? Aren’t they going to tell you to go away?” The truth is it’s no less weird than approaching people you don’t know to talk to them in a bar. Instead of reacting really badly, girls react better in the daytime than they do at night. At night, they expect guys to be drunk and hit on them, but in the daytime, it happens to them much less often and thus they are impressed by your confidence and willingness to take risks. Like all approach anxiety, the only way to overcome this is to man up and go approach them.
2. Direct openers are much more necessary in Day Game than night game.
There are a lot of venue considerations in Day Game (see below), but in many situations, particularly in street game, it can come across as really bizarre to stop a random girl and ask her opinion on something. In a bar, you could feasibly be having a conversation with your mates, and want to ask someone nearby their opinion, but in the daytime it comes across as less congruent. Direct openers work fantastically well on the street, e.g. “Excuse me, I just saw you walking past and thought you looked absolutely beautiful! I know this is really forward of me but I just had to say hello. How are you?” Direct Openers are also massively important for moving sets. Contrary to what most people think, it is ridiculously easy to stop moving sets (most of my sets are girls walking past me), you just need to be committed enough to your Direct opener. When you open a moving set, stop, plant yourself right on the ground where you are and deliver the opener. Do NOT start moving as they are moving, wait for them to stop. If they don’t stop, it will be creepy to follow them.
3. Day Game involves a greater variety of venues than night game. These venues are mainly differentiated by the levels of Social Pressure they involve.
You have the streets, cafés, bookstores, art galleries, college campuses etc. Every venue or situation is slightly different, so you will need to develop good social calibration so you don’t creep girls out. The biggest factor to be aware of is Social Pressure. The more other people can listen to your interaction with a woman, the higher the Social Pressure will be, and the more potentially uncomfortable the girl will feel. In high social pressure situations, your job is three-fold. First, don’t go too Direct, either open indirectly or tone down your Direct opener (e.g. “That’s a lovely dress, how you doing?”).
Second, have a strong frame of feeling comfortable in the interaction. The strongest frame always wins: You feeling comfortable talking to her will make her relax. If you are nervous, she will start to feel uncomfortable. The truth is, feeling this comfortable only comes with time and practice. But remember, she can’t see how you feel inside, only how you act on the outside.
Third, make her laugh. If you can tease her or otherwise make her laugh within the first thirty seconds of the interaction, she will instantly relax – the interaction is then suddenly a fun bit of banter with a stranger instead of being accosted by some creepy guy on the subway.
4. Super hot girls are MUCH easier to open in the daytime.
You know how the super hot girls get hit on a lot in bars and clubs? There is one reason why: Alcohol. It normally starts happening after everyone is liquored up. In the sober light of day (and without all their buddies to back up their testosterone levels), most guys are shit scared of the super hottie walking down the street. They will gawp at her, but God forbid they summon the stones to go up to her and say hello. Direct game works really well in the daytime with super hotties. You’ll be surprised at how many of them will turn around to you and say, “Oh my God, that’s so nice of you, no one has ever stopped me on the street to say that!”
5. You can get into Comfort much more quickly in Day Game than night game.
The fact that you have approached her in the daytime already demonstrates a lot of value; if you went Direct, then this is even more pronounced. Attraction building should happen in a matter of minutes. As soon as she’s laughing and enjoying the interaction, stop thinking about attraction and start thinking about qualifying and building comfort. You’ll need to escalate things as part of this. The easiest way to escalate the interaction on the street is to ask her which way she is headed, and suggest that you walk with her for a few minutes to chat. You can add in a, “I don’t want go dress shopping or anything like that with you though – that would be kind of gay – so I’ll probably head off in a few minutes!” This works exactly like a false time constraint. You are reducing the pressure in the situation.
6. Day Game approaches are often less expected by women and can take them by surprise.
This is a double edged sword. On the one hand, as mentioned above it causes guys to have more anxiety when daytime approaching, and they sometimes equate the surprise that girls will get with her being weirded out. On the other hand, because she is surprised, you have just spiked her emotions and therefore, if you run the interaction well, this turns into a massive positive for you. Not to mention that fact that very rarely do guys approach women on the street, so when you do approach her she will be more impressed and more likely to remember you positively (therefore LESS likely to flake than a night game set). The best way to handle the surprise/shock factor she may experience (especially if you use a Direct opener) is to acknowledge the situation, e.g. “I know this is really forward of me… but I was going to regret it all day if I didn’t stop you and say hello,” or, “This is very bold of me, but I thought you looked absolutely stunning, and I don’t believe in letting opportunities pass you by.”
7. It is harder to get a Same Day Lay than a Same Night Lay.
The reason why this is true is because of logistics, not because of social conventions (which is what you might have expected). If your game is good enough, you can bend social conventions to your whim, but once you get good, the biggest problem you spend most of your time overcoming is logistics. The fact is, girls will tend to be more busy and in the middle of doing other things in the daytime, so often you will only be able to take a phone number, build some comfort, and then move on. However, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be on the lookout for Same Day Lays!! In the ideal situation, you meet the girl and take her on a series of venue changes than end up back at your place. More commonly, there will be an “interrupt”, where she has to go home to eat or meet friends etc. In these cases you can still try to get her to come out to a party with you that night. You need to get out of the mentality that Day Game is just about taking phone numbers: You are trying to seduce these women not just get their digits. Set up the instant date if you can (e.g. take her for a coffee, then a drink, then a walk, then your place), or arrange to meet her later that day if you can. As mentioned above though, this all depends on what else she has got going on that day. Welcome to the wonderful world of logistical management!
8. You often have less time to demonstrate value to the girl than in night game.
Some girls you open will be in a rush to get somewhere, just about to meet friends, or may not have the time or inclination to talk to a random (albeit fun and interesting) stranger in the middle of the day. Because you are not in a bar, chances are she is not going to see you talking to other people (i.e. no opportunity for social proof). In the daytime therefore, you typically have a very small window of opportunity to make a good first impression: You must present yourself as well as humanly possible. Leave the house ready to meet women. Wear nice clothes, style your hair, and wear good shoes (don’t wear your tatty trainers). All of these things will encourage her to response positively to her when you stop her in the middle of the street.
9. Groups of women seem more difficult to approach even though they really are not.
It is not true that you can’t run Direct Game on groups of women, and it is not true that you can’t open groups of women in the daytime. Your strategy with a group should be either to pull all of them to another venue with you (typically again, there will be an interrupt, but you can invite them somewhere later that night), or to open the girl you want, build some comfort with the whole group (so they approve of you and allow you to pick up the girl you want), and then start escalating with your chosen girl. Escalation in front of the group might be as simple as taking her number, finding out some stuff about her and qualifying her a little.
The most important thing is to take action. A lot of guys who excel in night game, choke in the daytime. You need to be willing to take action TODAY, not tomorrow, not the day after. Procrastination is the world’s greatest sin. You will find that once you force yourself to open a few daytime sets, your skills and experience in other areas will rapidly transfer across. It’s just being willing to burst through that barrier.
To find out more information on day game, check out this audio download by Love Systems day game experts Jeremy Soul and Bonsai. The first 10 minutes are FREE.
If meeting women in the daytime is something you’re interested in then this primer is for you. It contains the basic information on day game – what you need to know to get out there and start meeting people outside of a nightclub environment…
Give a direct opener a try: ‘Excuse me, I saw you from over there. And I’d regret it all day if I didn’t come met you. Because you look absolutely gorgeous (extend hand to shake): Hi, I’m …, what’s your name?’
Direct openers like this usually open quite strongly and provide a good platform for you to launch the conversation from. At the very least, it’s nice to say nice things to people – it’ll make you feel good and give her positive emotions too.
There’s nothing wrong with starting a conversation in another style such as indirect, functional, comedic etc. There are lots of examples of these types of openers online and you’ll want to come up with your own as the situation dictates. Here are a few to get you started:
– ‘Hey do you know where the nearest Starbucks is?’
– She’s wearing head/earphones: ‘What are you listening to? I’m bored of my current playlist’ – take her iPod and start teasing/appreciating her playlist.
– She’s in a shop or coffee house, deliver with comedy: ‘I saw you from out there and had to come meet you. I just couldn’t let a pane of glass stand between us and true love.’
A Common Trap With Direct Openers:
Don’t try to solicit a reaction. So many guys get addicted to the big, gushing reactions that you will occasionally get from your direct approaches and ‘look’ for it every time. Instead of being an expression of their personality and core intent, the direct opener becomes a tool to chase a reaction. They deliver it and wait for the big WOW! It’s approval-seeking and not attractive.
Try this frame: Her beauty/vibe/aura moved you to approach. Something in your core just said ‘yes’. So you’re going to go meet her, express your core and see if she’s the kind of girl you might connect with and would like in your life. Self-expression, without the need for approval, mixed with a curious fascination for her as a unique creature.
Transition to Conversation:
After opening, stack and cycle through the following transition material until you find a topic that you’re both interested in and can naturally talk about together. Perhaps you both enjoy traveling or you both like the movies of a certain director.
To that end, here are three content-questions that you can ask to mine for a click topic:
1)What are doing in London/Oslo/Melrose today? (this also allows you to find out how much time you might have to talk. If she’s rushing to meet friends, better go for the number. If she’s just ‘shopping’, you might try for an instant-date later in the conversation)
2)What do you do for a living?
3)What do you do for fun?
These can either be delivered statement/question or question/statement. In other words, you might start by talking about what you’re doing in central London and then ask her what she’s up to (statement/question). Or you might ask her first and then answer your own question when she’s done (question/statement). Either way, be prepared to supply the initial content and energy of the interaction.
It’s not unusual for a person to be a little on-guard when approached by a stranger in the street or a coffee shop and give quite short answers. Allow her initial shyness, she’ll warm up as your statements build comfort and convey your attractive personality.
Another conversation technique is to talk about a character trait you enjoy, explain why you enjoy it and then ask her if she has it. This ‘soft qualification’ is a great way to add value to a conversation and qualify in a high-value way. The more astute among you may recognize some sexual framing in this material also.
‘I really like people who travel, I love to travel myself. There’s something about people who travel. There’s an open-mindedness to new experiences and a non-judgmental quality that I really like. Do you like to travel?’
‘I like to surround myself with creative people. They have an energy and a fresh way of looking at life that really energizes me. What do you do for fun?’
If you can’t find a click topic, consider that perhaps the two of you have nothing to click on and are better off moving on to meet other people. With practice, however, you’ll find you can find a way to connect with almost anyone you meet. Remember to listen with curiosity and interest.
Thoughts on Conversation:
All the principles of social interaction you’ll find in Magic Bullets and the other materials are relevant here. On top of these, focuse on glimpsing the girl underneath her social facade and being open enough for her to get a glimpse of you under yours.
It’s easy to view interactions with girls as a ‘game’ in which you say certain things, touch your ‘target’ in a certain way to either win or lose the game. This kind of thinking serves to dehumanize the girl who is, after all, a unique person just like you. What if the simple meeting of both of your personalities, opinions and experiences could provide enough content for an attractive, successful conversation?
Don’t forget to be fun and humorous. Tease a little to inject some spice, have fun with the conversation. There’s no need to be intense and serious all the time – in fact, this can be quite creepy! Try a fun role play or future projection, experiment with the attraction materials in Magic Bullets to spice things up. Beware of making these the focus of your content though, remember that you and her are enough to have a great conversation.
Find your own style of interaction. When you meet a man who is successful with girls, by all means copy his style but only to gain an understanding of the underlying principles that make him so successful. Don’t be a clone, you’ll get much better results as a great version of you.
Taking Things Further:
Where can you take the conversation after you’re clicking and enjoying one another? Depending on the logistics of the situation, you might try these options:
– suggest a future meeting and exchange contact details.
– suggest going to get a coffee right then and there.
The skill of meeting people and having great conversations is a vast one with room for a lifetime of learning and experimentation. It’s a lot of fun and comes with lots of benefits, not least all of the beautiful women you’ll meet!
With this basic information you’ve got all you need to start meeting girls in the daytime. The most important thing you could do with what you’ve read is start applying it in real conversations.
To find out more information on day game, check out this audio download by day game experts Jeremy Soul and Bonsai from Love Systems. The first 10 minutes are free.