It’s a fact: Most guys who aren’t good with women don’t use kino (kinesthetics), that is touching, at all! Some of them are so nervous meeting a girl that they forget about touching completely and when it comes to their mind it feels awkward (the logic: I haven’t touched her the whole time, so it would be strange to do it now).
However, one cannot overemphasise the importance of touching. In fact, studies show that 65 % of women accept the offer of a dance when being (briefly) touched on the arm – compared with 43 % when not being touched (Gueguen, N. 2007). On the street, 20 % of women are willing to give their telephone number when you approach with a brief touch on the upper arm. Without touching only 10 % agree. You are even 20 % more likely to get money from a stranger on the street if you approach with a brief touch on the upper arm.
The reason why touching is so effective is because it is unconsciously perceived as an indicator of high status (Major & Heslin, 1982; Summerhayes & Suchner 1978). And as you probably know nothing is more important for women than your status (not even shoes, because it’s your status that is promising shoes etc.). From the evolutionary perspective, men with a high status are ideal because they are able to provide for the family.
Most women don’t consciously register the touch, but unconsciously they feel a positive effect. And no, it’s not weird being “the touchy guy” – as long as you are authentic. That means you need to be the touchy guy all the time, with everyone and not only with her in a cozy lounge. Give guys a high five, a friendly pat on the back, touch the upper arm of a girl when you ask for directions and your value will skyrocket (without being the old-bold-asshole in a Ferrari).
How to Approach if She’s Sitting Down by Nick Savoy
A lot of guys won’t approach a woman when she’s sitting down – like at a restaurant, park bench, or if there are couches or places to sit at a bar or club.
And I understand why. When I was first figuring out how to meet and attract beautiful women, I had the same problem. It’s really awkward to just be standing there when a woman and her friends are all looking at you and you’re obviously the outsider. A lot of times it took all the confidence I had just to approach and survive the awkwardness — let alone run smooth, solid game in that situation.
But I figured out a couple solutions.
First off, the only thing that’s different is that you have to find a way to get you and her on the same “level”. Both sitting or both standing, either is fine.
Usually, you’ll have more luck sitting with her and her friends than getting her to stand up with you, but either way works. Or if you and your friends are at a nearby table, you can also move her and her whole group over to join you guys. (That’s often how it works at a nightclub).
The move that gives a lot of guys the most trouble is joining her group and sitting at her table. Here’s how to do it. On the way over to her, look around. Are there empty seats at her table? Great! If not, are there chairs nearby that can be easily moved to her table (and is there room)? Etc. Know what your possibilities are. (This takes about one second — it’s not an excuse to delay approaching)
Within a minute – during your transition from your opener – you need to sit down with her. Even if you are comfortable standing. The best way to do this is to sit down while you are saying something, ideally, while you are using a False Time Constraint (telling her you have to get back to your friends in a second, etc.). The more you can make sitting down look temporary, the better. One trick I like to use with some chairs is to sit on them backwards — so like I’m facing the back of the chair (and still facing her of course — turn the chair around, not your body).
The reason for this is, it’s hard to have enough value within a minute that she (and her friends) can decide they want you with them for the rest of the night. But when you sit down with them, that’s how they might interpret it — that this guy is settling in for the rest of the night with them. They’ll get defensive and attraction becomes much harder. But you can’t stay standing for much longer than a minute while they’re sitting because you’ll look like a tool.
Dragging a chair over to her table works the same way. Ideally you can keep facing her and talking to her while you reach over and drag a chair. Like I wrote in Magic Bullets, don’t ask for permission; just use a false time constraint.
If there are no obvious extra seats, you can steal hers. Reach your arm out, palm up. Tell her to stand up. Raise your arm directly up to “spin” her (she is doing all of the spinning; you just touch her hand) and while doing this, move behind her and sit on her chair. Tease her for a second that you stole her chair and deliver another false time constraint. You’re implying that you’re about to leave and that you will give her the chair back. Within a couple of minutes, you will either need to let her sit back down and go get another chair, move her somewhere else where you can both be comfortable, or put her on your lap.
Here are two scenarios you might encounter, along with a solution on how to handle each of them.
Scenario 1: She is sitting at a large table, there is space available, most nearby tables are full, and there is a reason to be sitting down (e.g., a coffee shop).
This is the easiest scenario, but fairly rare. Just walk straight over to the table and say “do you mind if I sit down?” in the same way you would if it was a man at the table. Then, not right away but within the next 20 seconds, begin a conversation. You should use a very low-energy opener in this situation. This is the easiest way to approach this situation, but you can also use the strategies from earlier in this article if you prefer.
Scenario 2: She is sitting at a table either without extra room or where nearby tables are empty. Sit at a table close enough to hers so that you could comfortably have a conversation. Ignore her for the first couple minutes, and then initiate conversation in the same way as in the previous example. Again, this is just a shortcut. If you prefer, you can still use one of the strategies from earlier in this article.
The general rule is, don’t keep standing while everyone is seated. This will lower your social value. Take a seat as soon as you can, use a false time constraint, and go from there like you talk to any other group of people.
Ross Jeffries: “The first key to understanding Thought Binding is to recognize that people are basically hypnosis machines. If you tell their minds in what direction to move they will do it everytime because people are not used to hearing these kinds of instructions. People are used to hearing babbling about content, in other words, reasons, data and facts, and that kind of stuff they can, do and will resist. But binding the direction of their thoughts? Never.
Here is an example. Suppose there is some very nice young girl you want to impress. You could tell her lots of stuff about you. You know, say something dumb like: “Well lots of women like me because I’m smart and funny and make good money, but other’s find it’s my honesty and looks that they are attracted to”.
Yeah. Right. Well, the problem is, you are tossing those facts, reasons and info at her, and like as not, she’s heard this a zillion times before and isn’t gonna buy it. If you must use an approach like this, why not bind the direction of her thoughts first? You’d do it like this:
“Hey, did you ever meet someone, and just instantly knew that you had to get to know this person better (point to yourself)? Maybe as you went inside and really got all excited about how much fun it’d be to get to know him and how curious and intrigued you were feeling? As you REMEMBER THOSE FEELINGS AS WE’RE TALKING, I’m just curious, do you first imagine how much fun they’d be to hang out with, and then get intrigued, or do you get intrigued first and then imagine how much fun this person would be (point to yourself)?”
Now, what are you doing here? You’re setting up a mood and state of mind that’s going to make her a lot more receptive by:
1. Having her recall what it’s like to be in the mood you want her in (setting up the thought direction).
2. Giving her a command to STAY IN THAT MOOD WHILE SHE TALKS WITH YOU by using the phrase “as you remember those feelings as we’re talking” (Binding the thought direction).
The phrase “AS YOU REMEMBER”…is a pre-supposition. A pre-supposition is just anything that HAS to be ASSUMED to be true in order for the sentence to make sense and be understood. Thus, with “AS YOU REMEMBER”, the presupposition is that they WILL remember.
You’ve now set her up to be MUCH MORE RECEPTIVE to any “facts” about yourself you want to throw because you’ve set up and BOUND the direction of her thinking and emotional processes. The beauty is THEY NEVER CATCH IT, because they aren’t used to hearing it or looking for it. They just know they find you mesmerising, hypnotically fascinating and irresistibly attractive.
Every decision people make is based in and dependent on their state of mind. If you don’t like their decision, change their state of mind before you try to change the decision. So the key here, is to set up the right state using some of the thought binding techniques we’ve discussed, but also to recognize, that if you’re getting resistance from a woman in the form of broken dates, calls promised but not made, etc., you need to back up and ask yourself the following questions:
1. Hmmm. What state of mind is she in right now with regard to me?
2. What’s the final state I want her in?
3. How can I have fun transitioning her to the state I want her to be in when I pounce?
Girls always get excited if you show them some “magic tricks”. Here is a piece that you can do at any time and freak people out at clubs and parties:
Ask two friends if they would take part in a psychological test with you. Ask one of them to close their eyes. Whilst their eyes are closed you tap their friend on the hand twice. You then ask the person with their eyes closed to open their eyes and ask them if they felt anything. They will swear that they felt two taps on their hand – even though you were nowhere near them… in fact you could even be stood the other side of the room.
The person with their eyes open will be amazed that their friend felt your touch even though she KNOWS you didn’t go near her. The person with their eyes closed will be so positive that she felt two solid taps that initially she simply won’t believe that you were nowhere near her! When everybody else watching confirms that you indeed did not touch her – the two friends, plus everyone else in the room will be amazed!
How it works:
You actually touch both people! The trick uses a concept known as ‘dual reality’. Each of the friends thinks that the ‘psychological test’ is happening at a different time. You ask Friend 1 to close their eyes, then secretly tap their hand as you are moving towards Friend 2. After a few seconds, you dramatically (but silently) tap Friend 2. Finally you ask Friend 1 to open their eyes. The trick is complete.
Most “naturals” believe that you don’t need any routines – you can just go out and be yourself and have fun and women will come to you. Just be yourself – isn’t that what most of us were trying to do before we discovered dating science, that it didn’t work back then, and that it sure as heck won’t help you get better now? Sure it is!
That’s why a a step-by-step approach is some valuable. When you have large, complex problems like “see that beautiful woman over there; how do I get her into bed? (or make her my girlfriend?),” it’s really helpful to break it down into specific tasks that come one after another. First you do X, until Y happens, and then you do Z.
And “being yourself” doesn’t help if you draw a mental blank or run out of things to say. Sure it’s easy to tell someone just to make conversation when he runs out of things to say, but when you’re talking to a gorgeous woman and her friends are trying to drag her away and she’s looking at you expectantly to see if there’s anything more to you than a well-delivered opening line… you have to have stuff ready to go. And it has to be good.
“Naturals” have completely forgotten about all the years they have spent picking up women. They forgot entirely about the learning process that has allowed them to become the “natural” who can effortlessly pick up hot chicks.
Natural game is simply how men act when they are ALREADY good with women.
You learn natural game by going out and practicing, as much as possible, for as long as possible. You practice with the best tools available – the structure and formula fromMagic Bullets. Natural game is learned by doing thousands of approaches. It comes from hard work, a good attitude, patterns of success and a willingness to push through some failure. It comes from making good friends who will push you, attending bootcamps and seminars and then going out and doing all of it all over again. If you do that you will have natural game.
People who all of a sudden “discover” natural game actually reveal more about their own dating science skills and development than they do about how to teach others. All it means is that they have gotten good enough with the basic structure and with routines that they are now able to take the training wheels off. They discover that now that they have internalized the right behaviors and intuitions they don’t need to slavishly follow structures (routines etc.) anymore and can improvise.
When you see PUA Cajun – he is improvising, taking advantage of possible shortcuts and so on. That’s because he is good enough to be able to “feel” the game and be “natural.” You simply need to get the Beyond Words Course by Cajun.
P.S. If you don’t know who Cajun is…Man, you need to see this guy in field:
Another simple routine to impress your audience (you can use this in sets too) is the “number reading routine”. Here’s how it’s done: tell the spectator to think of a two digit number between 1 and 50. Both digits should be different and odd…
Now eliminate the invisible options by asking whether it’s a ‘two-digit number’ (eliminates the numbers 1-9) and odd numbers (eliminates another twenty options). The most popular number people think off is 37. If you are writing the prediction down, make the ‘7’ look similar to the number ‘1’, as 31 is the second most popular number.
P.S. The popular answer for a number between 1 and 1.000 is 333.
If you see a woman you’d like to meet, but you don’t approach her, that’s “approach anxiety.” This is a common problem for men. The Magic Bullets Handbook has a sizable section on this – here are a couple refresher tips straight from Magic Bullets:
• Give your wingman $100 at the start of the night. He gives you $10 back every time you make an approach. You’ll get in the habit very quickly.
• Keep a journal of your nights out and how many approaches you did. You can’t manage what you don’t measure.
• Do a few “warm up” approaches before you get to the bar or club or party. A club I used to go to a lot had a dive bar right beside it – so I’d go to the dive bar for 20 minutes, “warm up” with some approaches to get me in a talkative mood, then I went to the club.
• Momentum is crucial. Approach as soon as you get in the club. Even if it’s just to ask the time. Don’t let inertia take over. (Lots of people forget this rule.)
• Before you go out, write down a list of excuses why someone might not approach. (E.g., “She’s not hot enough,” “I want to get a drink/go to the bathroom first,” “She looks like she’s talking to her friends,” “I don’t have an opener ready,” etc.) Decide in advance if any of those excuses “count.” When you go out, don’t talk yourself out of an approach with an excuse that doesn’t count.
The best way to get rid of approach anxiety is of course to improve your game so that you WANT to approach, because each interaction will be exciting and fun. It’s amazing how quickly approach anxiety disappears after you do the first ones.
The majority of communication is done with vocal tones, vocal pitch, movement, body language and gestures. All of these things and more make up our composite body language expressions, such as: Facial expressions, voice intonation, speed of speech , how you walk, the way you carry yourself through the world, having eye contact, how fast you move, and even our breathing.
Here are the most common mistakes in pick-up:
– Not being comfortable talking with strangers (social anxiety)
– Buying her drinks (trying to buy her over, or even worse, trying to get her drunk)
– Talking too fast (being nervous)
– Talking too much (trying to impress her)
– Not knowing what to say next (not enough practice)
– Drinking (to become comfortable)
– Asking too many questions (you create rapport too soon, but she doesn’t want your rapport unless you have attracted her first)
– Wrong Body language (hands connected, feet too close, shoulders down, leaning in)