How to Ask for Her Phone Number

No matter how and where you meet a girl, at some point in the conversation you need to find out her number. However, asking “Can I have your number?” shouldn’t be your choice.

Here’s why: She knows you want her phone number. Logically, she knows it’s because you’re interested in her, but emotionally, there’s nothing there. If she’s really attracted to you, you might get away with this. If she’s on the fence, it won’t leave her excited to hear from you again.

What about the “default” way – the way everyone used to do it before the Magic Bullets came along:

“I’ve really enjoyed talking to you. I’d like to continue this conversation. Can I have your number?”

That’s a little better, but only a little. If she’s emotionally excited about “more conversation” with you, she’ll look forward to your call. Or if she’s deeply attracted already. If not, you need to do something better.

Here’s what you need to do:

1) Find commonalities
2) Talk about how a commonality makes you feel. So don’t just leave it at “I love traveling” talk about the excitement of new places, the thrill of meeting new people, opening your horizons, etc.
3) Build from that commonality to a date associated with it.

For example:

You find out (in Step 1) that you both love cooking. For step 2, you talk about how cooking makes you feel. She tells you that she likes taking care of people and making them feel good. You can relate that back to how you cut the grass at your grandmother’s house on the weekends because you take care of those who take care of you… In turn, your grandmother has taught you how to make an ethnic dish as a way of her living on through you.

Now paint a picture in her mind. Describe how you make the dish, giving little secrets that grandma told you. (e.g., say “a pinch and a half,” in grandma’s accent.) Talk about how it tastes and the mess you’ll make and how it’s all worth it. If you have good storytelling skills, she’ll be enjoying this.

Next is step 3 – invite her to come over and make this dish with you. Put her into the scene you just described and show her how she can help. Set some logistics (“Tuesday night”), not “some time.” Get her phone number so you can tell her what time to come over the day of the date.

Have the attitude that you are a busy guy and have a lot going on, but since she seems pretty darn cool, you’d love to meet up with her. (This is an underlying attitude, not something you say explicitly.)

Bonus tip: Text back and forth leading up to the date, and always confirm that you are still “on” the day before. It’s not you being unsure or insecure; you’re just a busy guy who can’t put time aside if the date won’t turn out (and you should be).

If you’re new to this, have a couple date ideas queued up for different types of girls: active, creative, outdoors, etc.

If you’re more advanced, you can cold read her on these types and frame parts of her personality into it. Then it makes sense for her to enjoy your date idea.

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